I have a problem. I was in a long-distance friendship with someone, we?re both married but we were best friends. Now the guy?s wife has started threatening me, telling me that she will slander me, and saying she?ll send emails to my HR department and to my husband telling him that her husband and I have something going on. I don?t know what to do in this situation. I am a sensitive person and we were so attached that I cannot think of not having him in my life. Dream
You know what bothers me more than anything about your letter? It?s not the bit where you say his wife has threatened to tell your husband. Or the part where she says she?ll make trouble for you at work. It?s where you admit that you can?t, literally, bear the thought of the friendship ending.? You?re hooked on the sweetness of it, and the intimacy of it and perhaps even the?unavailability of it.?And saying goodbye to it is where you come unstuck. There?s absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when you?re married or in a serious relationship. But there?s a very fine line between friendship and emotional affairs, and you?re kidding yourself if you think having such an close connection with another guy?(married or not) can?t threaten your own marriage. Relationships that don?t involve sex can still be every bit as intense as those that do.
If you?re sharing stuff with this long-distance guy that you wouldn?t share with your husband ? or telling him stuff you would hate your husband to hear or read ? you?re in emotional affair territority. If you?re thinking, daydreaming or fantasising about this guy more than you think or dream about your?husband, that?s also a red flag. Other questions for you: does your husband know about this friendship? Does he support it? Does he know how very strongly you feel about not having this guy in your life? Unless your marriage is an open partnership, I?m guessing your answers to those questions would be no.
What to do? I can?t make that decision for you, but??I think you need to think long and hard about what?s really important to you here. About the people you?re hurting (his wife) or will hurt if this continues (your husband, any kids you may have). People can bounce back from emotional affairs and recover. Re-invest their energy and time in rebuilding things with their partner. It?s hard, but it can be done ? if it?s what you really want.?
Love, reality chick
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